evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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