I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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