i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
