you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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