this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Boobs are out for the taking
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
