good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
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Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize