I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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