Moan for me like Helen Keller
Welp...herpes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
