you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
