I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
