there's paper in my vomit.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
