My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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