"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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