the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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