Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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