I cockslap morals
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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