4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
