I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am available for nakedness
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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