I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
