kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
