When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
