If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
