I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
