i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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