we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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