I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
