don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
