i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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