i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
