3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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