How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
