My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
