how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
