its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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