Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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