I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
