i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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