HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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