I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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