you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
