hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
