Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
