No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
