What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
