My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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