Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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