It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
