I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
