hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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