Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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