i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
