the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
