Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
