I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
