i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
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Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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