Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
please come you make the beer taste better
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
