If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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