True but thats because hes a fetus.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
