What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
